Last night I watched Chris Gethard’s special, Career Suicide. I was profoundly moved by what he had to say.
Chris Gethard’s stories showed me that life is rarely tidy.
In the past, I have tried to get everything tied up and beautiful by the end of a blog post.
Reality just doesn’t work that way.
That’s why I named my blog Half Sweet Tea. It is my favorite drink and it’s an apt description of my day to day existence. Life has incredibly sweet moments and horrifying sour moments, and a million moments that fall somewhere in between.
Today is the perfect example of this.
I woke up to heavy sadness. No particular reason except maybe my DNA. It felt like that moment in Star Wars when Hans Solo got frozen in carbonite. I couldn’t move, talk and barely could breathe. Icky sourness.
After some time passed I was able to get up and take my meds. Within the hour they kicked in and I felt better. I had never noticed my meds actually making me feel better. Again, Chris Gethard made me aware of this. Meds are not the devil and they are super helpful. This revelation was really sweet.
The next hour involved my dad (who lives with me) having an ‘episode’ and refusing my help which resulted in him falling. When I tried to help him up I could see the struggle in his eyes. The injustices of him being Dad, and me being Kid. Yet, the Kid is helping the Dad. Shitty and sour for both of us.
Fast forward a few hours and I received the best Mothers Day present from my husband. I have wanted a swing for years. This gift filled my love tank till it was splashing over the top. Such a sweet moment it made my teeth ache.
So, most days my life is half sweet. I definitely have a bent towards focusing on the sour. When I do that, I miss or at least quickly forget the sweet.
Right now, I’m in the sunshine, there is a breeze, and I’m pondering this sweet/sourness of life. Pondering is my favorite. And I’m wondering if the sourness of this day could be used to make the sweet sweeter.
Would I have noticed the goodness of my meds without the slumpiness of my waking? If my dad had not fallen, would the swing, the wind, the sun, the time to ponder seem less wonderful? I don’t know, but for today I say yes.
It makes life seem more doable, knowing there is sweet/sourness. Maybe the sourness won’t derail me, and maybe I won’t miss the sweet.
May peace be the journey.