Dragging chains

Why is it that some days I can jump out of bed humming a tune, and other days, like today, I could barely get out of bed? I feel like I’m dragging chains of the heaviest metal.

I know some of it has to do with long term depression. Some of it has to do with my place in life. (Discussed in my first post) 

Maybe I am inherently lazy. 

Maybe it’s because I’m supposed to do the one thing for our home business that I hate. 

Maybe I’m a spoiled princess who only wants every whim catered too. 

Maybe I’ve bumped up against being 45 and realized that there is just not that much meaning to life. 

Maybe it’s this crazy season our country is in and Dr Hawkins’ prediction that we need to have another planet to move to in 100 years.

Whatever it is, it sucks. 

My counselor tells me that when I have a day or days like this to do self care. BAH! What the hell is self care? That just seems like more work.

Is this too raw and ugly for the internet?

I went back to work for a bit and all of a sudden I started feeling better. 

I think there are two reasons for this. 

One, my medicine kicked in. I forget how much better I feel forty five minutes after I take them. 

Two, I expressed how I am feeling.

Maybe negative thoughts are a poison and maybe the antidote is expression. Maybe my self care is writing, talking, getting it out. It must be so because I’m feeling even better.

Fellow chain draggers, how do you cope?

May peace be the journey.

HST

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