I have been a Christian for most of my life.
Growing up attending church, praying as a family, making a serious commitment while in college and I served churches for over 15 years.
Time has been invested in being a Christian.
During all of that time, these nagging doubts would enter my head.
Always formed as questions, they sounded like this…
Why does my life the same as everyone else?
Where is the radical lifestyle of the early church?
Why can’t I pray and see someone come back to life?
Why do I feel like I need to defend God every time something bad happens?
Why don’t I see miracles?
Why do I have the same questions and doubts I had 20 years ago?
Is this really all there is?
Does having faith really make a viable difference in my life?
This last question has haunted me the most. Does having faith really make a noticeable viable difference in my life?
To be honest, for most of these years my answer had to be no.
I still have the same questions, same doubts, same aches and pains, same bad habits. If someone follows me for a day they would see a normal life, not a life changed by years of following God.
I have decided that I need more.
Having faith has to make a difference in my life or it is not worth having.
I’m asking for more faith, more power, more moments where I can see God working through me and as a result I will be changed.
It’s time to face my questions and look for what is real.
I am not expecting God to be a genie and grant me three wishes.
I am betting life is going to get a lot more challenging.
I am hoping that God will knock me on my ass as He shows me how big and beautiful He is.
Mostly, I desire to become more like Jesus…strong, brave, forgiving and able to be friends with the outcast, victim, and orphan.
Please God, show me more…